Another letter.

I never really did figure it out. The complex, yet beautiful entity that is us. Believe me, it's been on my mind every way possible. The very thought has woken up my subconscious mind, where it follows me in my sleep. And you'd be there laying down with your hands behind your head, looking over to my direction and telling me to stop thinking too much and to just come here. I crawl over and at that very moment, it just doesn't matter anymore. All else ceases for those moments and it just doesn't matter. If I could hold the feelings of those moments at all times, I would. But then all is lost and it's my conscious mind's turn. I don't even know why it really matters. But for some reason I just feel like I need to know. That I owe myself the idea of being fully aware. I'm torn between just letting things be and trying to find an answer. I try to just let it be. Sometimes I drown it out with a tune. Close my eyes and drift off into another world again. I've always wondered how it is you actually got here. When did this become real. Because it is fucking real.

Don't let your heart get heavy.

I have insecurities. I never really say or admit it, but I do. The more I try to ignore it, the more bothersome it becomes. The questions and curiosity eat at my mind and I am left to figure it out on my own. I hate feeling ridiculous. I hate letting something that's not even something bother me so much. I hate how heavy my heart can feel after a single thought. It comes and goes. It never stays for long. Even so, the weight almost feels heavier each time it comes back unanswered. Just learn to let it go. You have enough weight left to carry.

Gravity.

The insecurities I built up in my head unfold.

As I look for a scapegoat to scold.

For the reason why they are no longer there.

The walls I worked so hard to bear.

The weight of my weaknesses, so heavy they may be.

It takes a burden that no one can see.

I close my eyes and mind to recover my sanity. 

To come back to earth and regain gravity.

Sweet silence.

If it's one thing I admire in a friendship, it would be the silence. There are always gonna be good times and laughs in a friendship, but for me it comes down to the comfortability of the silence. If I can be truly peaceful at the stillness of the moment, then I owe you my gratitude. I appreciate those moments and the sense of peace it seems to bring me. It's a rarity for me to allow myself that feeling, so just know the silence is but a sweet, blissful freedom.

Shhh.

It can get pretty frustrating. Do you ever get that unsettling knot in your stomach out of nowhere? For no reason, but you can't help but feel a little uneasy. A little miffed. It's frustrating because you don't wanna feel that way. Or you don't even know why you feel that way. You just wanna be good again. No bad thoughts. Why must it always go there? Controlless mind. Damn you and your pessimism. Okay, backtrack a little to when everything was fine inside your mind. Stay there for a little. 

Pure bliss.

We come across so many people throughout our lifetime. Many come and go, and then there are those select few that stay a bit longer. The best ones that come into your life are the ones that you don't see coming at all. They may still be in your life, but you already know they made a permanent mark. Sometimes they fill in the little emptiness that you weren't even aware was there to begin with. Or you did but brushed it off along with any other unwanted emotions. It can be crazy how used to someone you get. So familiar with their presence that they become part of your routine. It's not an overwhelming feeling though. It's almost too natural and easy. The not knowing is all part of the thrill. Just letting things be and fall into place if that's where it's meant to fall. It is okay to want something in your life. Stop believing otherwise. Hold on to that extra piece of happiness that shed a little more light into your life. Ahh. Sweet feeling, isn't it? Nothing but pure bliss.

Fool's gold.

Do you ever almost feel like an absolute fool? To just know damn well how incredibly naive part of your mind is being. It's not the best feeling. The moment of the impending realization. That all the things you swore wouldn't happen, are happening. The self disappointment in knowing you lost control and gave in. But now you realize so you can stop it in its tracks. Now you have no excuse. Can't completely blame you. Sometimes you see what you want to see. Feel what you subconsciously want to feel. But is it real? How foolish to think things could possibly work out alright for once. Reasons for happiness are all but permanent. You of all people should know that. But by all means, cherish the now. Just please don't let yourself down anymore.