It is.

You know when you do so much thinking that you only lead yourself farther from what you were trying to figure out in the first place? You sort of reach this mystic part of your mind that you subconsciously avoid at all costs. Its always been there, but you hardly know it. I don't know. Maybe it's only me. The voices in my head, they come from that place. It's almost like the voice of reason, yet I refuse to listen. I don't wanna hear it. I shut them out knowing it's my best bet at keeping levelheaded. I drown them so I can carry on. Ignorance is bliss, is it not?

Sea of lies.

You know when you know write something, read it, and then just erase it all? Partly because it sounds insane. And partly because it's the complete truth. Then, you write something else that's only half true, but it's easier to read so you go with that. You then continue to believe what you've been telling yourself, knowing deep down inside you're just lying to yourself. Somehow though, you tell yourself enough times to truly believe it. You continue to live like that until you come across something. Something that pulls you back to reality and shoves the realization right in front of you. It's a glimpse of the truth and you hate it for that reason. Then, you're left alone trying to figure out what's real in the sea of lies. 

There is nothing worse than not being completely honest with yourself. It's undoubtedly worse than being untrue to someone else. How can you even be honest to anyone else if you can't even be honest with yourself? You just can't. Simple as that. Don't force yourself though. When you want to accept it, you will. And maybe that time will never come. But all you can do is keep it going.

Lost inspiration.

It's as if when I detached myself from the ability to feel anything, I sort of lost inspiration as well. I guess it comes hand in hand. With emotion and feeling come inspiration. And I just shut it all out. I shut out all the little voices that kept echoing in my head. For what? To feel sane? To just pretend like I have it all together? It's been somewhat easier that way. I've almost convinced myself till now. It all starts with a question. Then, the attempted truth of an answer. Next, the mental destruction. Back to square one. Not sure whether I should be completely honest with myself. Doesn't everyone just pretend anyhow? I mean, who really actually has it all together? But this pretending feels almost soulless. I long to feel something. But I don't want to lose it either.