Lost inspiration.

It's as if when I detached myself from the ability to feel anything, I sort of lost inspiration as well. I guess it comes hand in hand. With emotion and feeling come inspiration. And I just shut it all out. I shut out all the little voices that kept echoing in my head. For what? To feel sane? To just pretend like I have it all together? It's been somewhat easier that way. I've almost convinced myself till now. It all starts with a question. Then, the attempted truth of an answer. Next, the mental destruction. Back to square one. Not sure whether I should be completely honest with myself. Doesn't everyone just pretend anyhow? I mean, who really actually has it all together? But this pretending feels almost soulless. I long to feel something. But I don't want to lose it either.